Midna - Twilight Princess
This thing feels like somebody grabbed Twilight Princess, put it in a horny blender, then forgot to add clothes back in. You get this loop of Midna and Link that looks like a cursed Pornhub Zelda mod from the early YouTube days, but in a good way. Sort of. The whole game is basically “click a button, get a new way to ruin Hyrule’s rating,” and honestly my monkey brain was like “yeah ok, that works.” The interface is dumb simple: up in the corner you’ve got your little action menu, no tutorial, no bullshit. You poke one option, Midna is on Link’s cock; poke another, she’s switching from stroking him to sucking like she’s speedrunning a blowjob glitch. It feels like some horny kid discovered interactive porn menus on Newgrounds and never mentally left that era, and I respect that energy.
Visually, it sits in that weird valley where it actually kind of looks like Twilight Princess fan art, but also like the artist had three references and gave up halfway through. Midna’s got these big tits that are almost too big for her small imp body, which makes zero anatomical sense and also works way too well. Link is just lying there like a hentai crash test dummy, with a dick that is absolutely not Nintendo approved, and the camera is obsessed with it. Like, there’s so much love put into the veins on that cock compared to literally anything else. Background? Whatever. Lighting? Who cares. But that cumshot? The moment you finally click the right combo and he blows, it splashes all over her in this messy, thick way that looks like someone tested it in Photoshop for way too long. I swear I spent more time watching the way it drips off her chest than actually swapping positions. Also her handjob animation looks a bit like she’s revving a motorcycle, and now I can’t unsee it. I clicked that option three times in a row anyway.
The pacing is like ordering junk food on Uber Eats while you’re already full. It’s fast, greasy, and you’re kinda ashamed, but you still keep adding sides. You don’t gradually build up from teasing to fucking; you just slam right into oral, then anal, then back to jerking, like a horny YouTube playlist on shuffle. One second she’s taking Link in her mouth with those glowing eyes staring right through your soul, next second you’re switching to ass action and it feels like you skipped five chapters of foreplay lore. There’s masturbation in there too, and it’s funny because it’s somehow less horny than the rest, like the dev remembered “oh yeah, solo stuff” at the last minute and slapped it in. The sound is either basic or my brain auto-filled the moans after too many browser tabs, but when that final cumshot hits, everything else kinda stops mattering. I do wish there was at least one stupid little Zelda reference click, like a fake “open chest” sound when you bust, but no, just raw freaky Midna service. Also the play button in the corner is slightly off-center by like two pixels and it annoyed the hell out of me the whole time. Never fixed it. Still kept clicking.
Added: Jun 30, 2018 💬 1 🎮 1k